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Settlement is Reached – How Do We Get Divorced?
Allison Gerli • January 1, 2020
Reaching an agreement with your spouse is only step one in the process of getting divorced or legally separated.
Whether you are able to resolve your case through mediation or by you and your spouse working things out without mediation or attorneys (sometimes referred to as a kitchen table divorce), it is important to understand the steps that come next.
Drafting and Reviewing of the Agreements.
The mediator or an attorney representing one spouse usually prepares documents that detail the settlement that you have reached. Both spouses will have the opportunity to review the documents with attorneys and address any changes. If there are children, there will be a parenting plan, outlining schedules, decision-making and financial terms. There is a document called a Separation Agreement that outlines your terms related to the division of property, debt, and spousal support (maintenance), if any.
Initial Filing.
One spouse must file the papers in court in order to begin the legal process. The person filing is called Petitioner and the other spouse is called Respondent. Petitioner files a Petition for Dissolution of Marriage, Income and Expense Statement, Statement of Property, and a Certificate of Dissolution of Marriage. One spouse should retain an attorney to prepare and file the documents required to initiate and finalize the dissolution process. This attorney is not an attorney who can assist both of you. If the other party chooses, he or she may have an attorney, often just to review and advise on the settlement.
Filing Fee and Costs.
The spouse who files must pay a filing fee to the court. It varies depending upon the county in which the divorce is filed; it is in the neighborhood of $150.00.
Service.
In order to establish with the court the fact that Respondent has notice of the lawsuit, Respondent must be “served” or waive service. Service in a lawsuit is usually achieved by a sheriff or a process server bringing the papers directly to the person at work or home. When a couple is working together to accomplish the divorce, either an attorney can accept service on behalf of Respondent or Respondent can sign a document acknowledging receipt of the court papers and waiving service. If an attorney accepts the papers, the attorney files what is called an Entry of Appearance with the Court. The document the Respondent will sign is called a Waiver of Service of Summons and Entry of Appearance. The court must have confirmation of service or the Waiver to proceed with the divorce.
Answer.
After the Petition is served, Respondent may file an Answer to the Petition, which is the person’s response to the Petition. If no action is taken by Respondent, Respondent is in default. The Answer is due 30 days after the service of the Petition (or the filing of the entry by an attorney or the waiver). Respondent may file not only an answer to the Petition, but may also file his or her own Petition, called a Counter-Petition. This must be answered by Petitioner within 30 days. In a case where all agreements have been reached before the case is filed, Respondent may choose not to file an Answer because Petitioner, through an attorney, is going to take the responsibility to process the settlement documents with court.
Mandatory Parenting Class.
If you have children who are under 19, there is a required class for parents involved in most family law matters. Most of the judges will not sign the settlement documents until both parents have taken it. It can be taken before the case is filed.
Settlement Documents.
This will include the Judgment for Dissolution or Legal Separation, Separation Agreement, Parenting Plan and Form 14 Child Support Calculation (if children involved), and Affidavits signed by both spouses. The Affidavit is what permits you to avoid going to court and appearing before a judge to testify.
30-Day Wait Period.
The settlement documents cannot be submitted to the court for signing by a judge until after a 30-day period following the date that service was achieved on Respondent (i.e. Respondent’s Waiver was filed with the court or an attorney filed his or her Entry of Appearance on behalf of Respondent). After that time has passed, the settlement documents can be submitted to the court for signing by the judge. The documents are filed with the court electronically. Depending on the judge, it may take a few days or longer before the judgment is signed. The waiting period does not prohibit you from starting to abide by your agreements and your settlement paperwork can include specific starting dates for all of the terms to go into effect.
Judgment is Entered.
You are divorced or legally separated on the date that the judge signs. The signed judgment will come to the attorneys electronically. Later the attorneys receive a certified copy, which you may need in order to take care of some of the follow up on the division of property. A judgment is not considered “final” for an additional thirty days, though that 30-day period does not impact you moving forward.
If you are interested in learning more about the divorce process, the attorneys at The Center for Family Law would be happy to talk with you. To schedule a consultation, go here or call (314) 721-8844.
The Center for Family Law is excited to announce the start of its fourth year hosting the Second Saturday Divorce Workshops, providing valuable support and guidance to individuals navigating the divorce process.
The holiday season can be a balancing act for all parents, but it can be especially challenging for divorced parents who need to coordinate plans with a former spouse and navigate interactions with new partners. While some stress is to be expected, with careful planning, flexibility, and the right mindset, you can make the holidays smoother for everyone. Here are a few tips to help you manage. Prioritizing the Children. The holidays are a time for children, and their well-being should be the focus of the schedule. Whether it's your first holiday post-divorce or you have had a few years to adjust, there are simple steps you can take to make the season easier for them. Create a Joint Plan. Collaborate with your ex to ensure the children can spend time with both of you without feeling torn. A clear, shared plan helps avoid confusion and conflict. This might involve splitting the day between both households or longer periods of time with each parent to allow for out-of-town travel to visit relatives. It is important that parents are on the same page on what schedule will be followed and that is communicated to the children as a joint plan. Balance Traditions with Flexibility. It is natural to want to keep cherished family traditions, but flexibility is key. Discuss with your co-parent which traditions are most important and find a realistic way to divide them. This ensures that the kids do not feel pressured to choose between one tradition or family, allowing them to enjoy special moments with both sides. Create New Traditions. This is an opportunity to start fresh. Let go of old expectations and focus on what will bring joy to your current family setup. Whether changing when your holiday meal occurs or coming up with new ways to celebrate with those who matter now, these changes can redefine your holiday experience in a way that reflects your family as it is today. Remember, children care more about spending time with you and celebrating together than about the exact day. [The Right] Communication is Key. Keeping communication focused on the kids can help prevent old conflicts from resurfacing. Keep discussions brief and to the point. Set times to address important matters and confirm plans through a message or email to ensure everyone is aligned and to prevent miscommunication. Involving New Partners. Whether it is you or your ex with a new partner, you should be mindful of how this change can stir emotions and make the situation feel uncertain. If planning to include a new partner in holiday activities, having a conversation with your ex beforehand is best. Discuss your plans for the day and make sure your ex is comfortable with the arrangement. If you are nervous about being around your ex’s new partner, remember that you have the right to decide how much or how little to engage with this new person, all while keeping things positive and calm for the children. Children may also need time to adjust to a new partner, particularly if the relationship is still fresh. Monitor how they are coping and give them space to process these changes. Do not force interactions, and if possible, let the relationship evolve naturally. Spending Time with Former In-Laws. Another challenge during the holidays for separated parents is dealing with ex-in-laws. Seeing them may feel awkward, but it is often necessary for the children's sake. If spending time with your ex-in-laws feels too emotionally challenging, be honest with yourself and them. It is okay to politely decline an invitation if it being there would cause too much stress. Regardless of how you feel about your ex-in-laws, remember that ex-in laws are still important figures in your children’s lives, and it is often best for the kids if you maintain a relationship with them. Encourage your children to spend time with their grandparents or other relatives from your ex’s family when possible. Remember even when feeling frustrated, remind yourself that cooperation between parents benefits the children, making these moments more manageable.
(This article was originally posted in November 2024 by Courtney Green on the website of The Bar Association of Metropolitan St. Louis and can be found here .) Every year, a heartwarming and competitive event takes place that not only tests participants’ knowledge but also makes a significant impact in the lives of children affected by the criminal justice system. The annual Motion for Kids Trivia Night hosted by BAMSL’s Young Lawyers Division, has become a beloved tradition, blending fun with philanthropy to raise funds for the Saint Louis Bar Foundation’s Motion for Kids holiday event aimed at providing a magical holiday experience for children in the Metropolitan St. Louis area, most of whom are currently in foster care. A Night of Fun and Philanthropy The 2024 trivia night will be held at the Parkway United Church of Christ and draws participants from the St. Louis legal community, along with friends, family, and colleagues to compete in a lively atmosphere filled with friendly competition. The trivia night is made possible by sponsors in the legal community who play a vital role, providing financial backing and in-kind donations that help cover costs and enhance the evening’s festivities. Additionally, gracious volunteers and members of the Young Lawyers’ Division donate their time to help organize the event and ensure its success. Adding in a twist each year, the trivia night themes have ranged from the 90’s to “The Eras tour”. This years’ theme is a spooky, legal-adjacent: “Whodunnit? Beyond a Reasonable Doubt.” As the trivia rounds unfold, teams will battle it out to compete for bragging rights (and potential prizes). The questions are crafted to be both challenging and entertaining, ensuring that everyone, from trivia novices to seasoned experts, can contribute. Silent Auction, 50/50 Raffle, & Games Galore One of the highlights of the evening is the silent auction, featuring an array of enticing items donated by generous St. Louis based businesses, community members, and local firms. Ranging from gift certificates to tickets for local sporting events, attendees can bet big on items, knowing that every item raised will directly benefit the Motion for Kids holiday event. The auction not only raises vital funds but also showcases the community’s creativity and generosity. Additionally, there are other opportunities to show support for the Motion for Kids event at the trivia night, including a 50/50 raffle, and mini-games in-between rounds, which are sure to stir up excitement. The proceeds raised from these games will also be given directly to Motion for Kids. Impact on Children’s Lives The funds raised during trivia night play a crucial role in making the annual holiday party a reality. The Motion for Kids event provides a joyful experience for children who often face significant challenges in their young lives. For many of these children, the holiday party is one of the few occasions where they can experience the warmth of community, receive gifts, and enjoy festive activities in a safe and welcoming environment. BAMSL volunteers work tirelessly to create a magical atmosphere, complete with decorations, games, and a visit with Santa Claus. The smiles on the children’s faces during the party serve as a reminder of the positive impact the community can make when it comes together for a common cause. A Community Effort The Young Lawyers’ Division Trivia Night is more than just a fundraising event; it’s a testament to the power of community. Local firms, businesses, individuals, and organizations come together to ensure that children impacted by the criminal justice system feel loved and supported during the holiday season. The success of this event highlights how collective efforts can bring joy and hope to those who need it most. It is the Young Lawyers’ Division goal to not only raise money for the Motion for Kids holiday event, but to encourage a sense of accomplishment and commitment from trivia night attendees for the role they have played in the lives of these children. Trivia Night has become a cherished tradition, one that reinforces the message that together, we can create a brighter future for our most vulnerable children.
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