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How to Talk to Your Child When a GAL is Appointed

Allison Gerli • March 30, 2023

A custody proceeding can be an incredibly stressful and anxiety-provoking time for not only you but also your child. When a Guardian ad Litem or "GAL" is appointed to your case, the GAL will become a new person in your and your child’s lives. Below are some tips & guidelines for interacting with your child as they work with a GAL.


The GAL is the child’s legal representative and, as such, may examine, cross-examine, subpoena witnesses, and offer testimony on behalf of the child at any hearing or trial. However, the primary role of the GAL is to make recommendations as to what he or she believes is in the child’s best interests. The GAL’s recommendation may be contrary to what the child believes is best. The GAL may make recommendations to the court as to what is in the child’s best interests regarding child custody, which may include recommendations about legal custody, physical custody, communication between parents and the child, weekly schedules, vacation time, and holiday time. 


After the GAL is appointed, the GAL often meets with the parents or the third parties seeking custody to start. The GAL will then meet with the child directly. The meeting may take place at school, the GAL’s office, the child’s residence, or a public location. It can be discomforting to have a new person enter a child’s life in such a personal way. It is also imperative that the GAL can enter the child’s life in as smooth a process as possible.

 

To protect the process, you should not share with the child why a GAL has been appointed for them. Blaming or describing the opposing party’s negative behavior as the reason for the GAL’s appointment may influence their statements and impact the purity of the GAL’s meetings. GAL’s want to ensure their communication with the child is unbiased and untampered with so that the GAL can gain the most honest and reasonable assessment of the situation possible. Rather than saying, “a GAL has been appointed because Dad or Mom does X thing,” tell the child that the GAL is a new person to talk with them about this transition with their parents. Assure them that this person is there for them, and they should try to have an open conversation about their feelings and concerns about the situation. 

 

The GAL will introduce themselves to the child in the way they see fit, but you can let the child know ahead of time that they are meeting with the GAL and that this will be a safe space for them. Remind the child that they can and should be honest with the GAL and that the GAL is there to help bring their voice into the process. You can emphasize that they can truthfully answer any question the GAL asks and that it is also okay to ask the GAL any questions of their own. You can also tell the child that they may meet with this person more than once, which is often the case, so if they do not remember everything at the first meeting or do not know the answers to any questions, that is okay. If the child remembers an answer to a question later, you can offer to help them contact the GAL to provide the answer.


GALs often have different policies for communicating with the child while the case is pending and how often they will meet with them. It is best to ask the GAL assigned to your case about their policies in advance.   

 

To respect the privacy of the GAL’s relationship with the child, please refrain from asking them what they discussed in their meeting with the GAL. The child may want to share certain aspects of their conversations with you, but please keep these debriefs as general as possible and do not probe. If the child shares something with you about their conversation with the GAL that you find concerning, please let your attorney know, and they will contact the GAL if necessary.


All of the attorneys at The Center for Family Law are trained as GALs, in addition to representing individuals involved in divorce and child custody matters. Please contact us today to schedule a consultation. 


Article written with contribution from law clerk, Adele Rosenthal. Adele is a 2L at Washington University School of Law.

Second Saturday Workshop - 2025 Dates

January 24, 2025
The Center for Family Law is excited to announce the start of its fourth year hosting the Second Saturday Divorce Workshops, providing valuable support and guidance to individuals navigating the divorce process.

Tips for Co-Parenting During the Holidays

By Allison Gerli • December 20, 2024
The holiday season can be a balancing act for all parents, but it can be especially challenging for divorced parents who need to coordinate plans with a former spouse and navigate interactions with new partners. While some stress is to be expected, with careful planning, flexibility, and the right mindset, you can make the holidays smoother for everyone. Here are a few tips to help you manage. Prioritizing the Children. The holidays are a time for children, and their well-being should be the focus of the schedule. Whether it's your first holiday post-divorce or you have had a few years to adjust, there are simple steps you can take to make the season easier for them. Create a Joint Plan. Collaborate with your ex to ensure the children can spend time with both of you without feeling torn. A clear, shared plan helps avoid confusion and conflict. This might involve splitting the day between both households or longer periods of time with each parent to allow for out-of-town travel to visit relatives. It is important that parents are on the same page on what schedule will be followed and that is communicated to the children as a joint plan. Balance Traditions with Flexibility. It is natural to want to keep cherished family traditions, but flexibility is key. Discuss with your co-parent which traditions are most important and find a realistic way to divide them. This ensures that the kids do not feel pressured to choose between one tradition or family, allowing them to enjoy special moments with both sides. Create New Traditions. This is an opportunity to start fresh. Let go of old expectations and focus on what will bring joy to your current family setup. Whether changing when your holiday meal occurs or coming up with new ways to celebrate with those who matter now, these changes can redefine your holiday experience in a way that reflects your family as it is today. Remember, children care more about spending time with you and celebrating together than about the exact day. [The Right] Communication is Key. Keeping communication focused on the kids can help prevent old conflicts from resurfacing. Keep discussions brief and to the point. Set times to address important matters and confirm plans through a message or email to ensure everyone is aligned and to prevent miscommunication. Involving New Partners. Whether it is you or your ex with a new partner, you should be mindful of how this change can stir emotions and make the situation feel uncertain. If planning to include a new partner in holiday activities, having a conversation with your ex beforehand is best. Discuss your plans for the day and make sure your ex is comfortable with the arrangement. If you are nervous about being around your ex’s new partner, remember that you have the right to decide how much or how little to engage with this new person, all while keeping things positive and calm for the children. Children may also need time to adjust to a new partner, particularly if the relationship is still fresh. Monitor how they are coping and give them space to process these changes. Do not force interactions, and if possible, let the relationship evolve naturally. Spending Time with Former In-Laws. Another challenge during the holidays for separated parents is dealing with ex-in-laws. Seeing them may feel awkward, but it is often necessary for the children's sake. If spending time with your ex-in-laws feels too emotionally challenging, be honest with yourself and them. It is okay to politely decline an invitation if it being there would cause too much stress. Regardless of how you feel about your ex-in-laws, remember that ex-in laws are still important figures in your children’s lives, and it is often best for the kids if you maintain a relationship with them. Encourage your children to spend time with their grandparents or other relatives from your ex’s family when possible. Remember even when feeling frustrated, remind yourself that cooperation between parents benefits the children, making these moments more manageable.

Trivia Night for a Cause: Supporting Children Impacted by the Criminal Justice System

December 18, 2024
(This article was originally posted in November 2024 by Courtney Green on the website of The Bar Association of Metropolitan St. Louis and can be found here .) Every year, a heartwarming and competitive event takes place that not only tests participants’ knowledge but also makes a significant impact in the lives of children affected by the criminal justice system. The annual Motion for Kids Trivia Night hosted by BAMSL’s Young Lawyers Division, has become a beloved tradition, blending fun with philanthropy to raise funds for the Saint Louis Bar Foundation’s Motion for Kids holiday event aimed at providing a magical holiday experience for children in the Metropolitan St. Louis area, most of whom are currently in foster care. A Night of Fun and Philanthropy The 2024 trivia night will be held at the Parkway United Church of Christ and draws participants from the St. Louis legal community, along with friends, family, and colleagues to compete in a lively atmosphere filled with friendly competition. The trivia night is made possible by sponsors in the legal community who play a vital role, providing financial backing and in-kind donations that help cover costs and enhance the evening’s festivities. Additionally, gracious volunteers and members of the Young Lawyers’ Division donate their time to help organize the event and ensure its success. Adding in a twist each year, the trivia night themes have ranged from the 90’s to “The Eras tour”. This years’ theme is a spooky, legal-adjacent: “Whodunnit? Beyond a Reasonable Doubt.” As the trivia rounds unfold, teams will battle it out to compete for bragging rights (and potential prizes). The questions are crafted to be both challenging and entertaining, ensuring that everyone, from trivia novices to seasoned experts, can contribute. Silent Auction, 50/50 Raffle, & Games Galore One of the highlights of the evening is the silent auction, featuring an array of enticing items donated by generous St. Louis based businesses, community members, and local firms. Ranging from gift certificates to tickets for local sporting events, attendees can bet big on items, knowing that every item raised will directly benefit the Motion for Kids holiday event. The auction not only raises vital funds but also showcases the community’s creativity and generosity. Additionally, there are other opportunities to show support for the Motion for Kids event at the trivia night, including a 50/50 raffle, and mini-games in-between rounds, which are sure to stir up excitement. The proceeds raised from these games will also be given directly to Motion for Kids. Impact on Children’s Lives The funds raised during trivia night play a crucial role in making the annual holiday party a reality. The Motion for Kids event provides a joyful experience for children who often face significant challenges in their young lives. For many of these children, the holiday party is one of the few occasions where they can experience the warmth of community, receive gifts, and enjoy festive activities in a safe and welcoming environment. BAMSL volunteers work tirelessly to create a magical atmosphere, complete with decorations, games, and a visit with Santa Claus. The smiles on the children’s faces during the party serve as a reminder of the positive impact the community can make when it comes together for a common cause. A Community Effort The Young Lawyers’ Division Trivia Night is more than just a fundraising event; it’s a testament to the power of community. Local firms, businesses, individuals, and organizations come together to ensure that children impacted by the criminal justice system feel loved and supported during the holiday season. The success of this event highlights how collective efforts can bring joy and hope to those who need it most. It is the Young Lawyers’ Division goal to not only raise money for the Motion for Kids holiday event, but to encourage a sense of accomplishment and commitment from trivia night attendees for the role they have played in the lives of these children. Trivia Night has become a cherished tradition, one that reinforces the message that together, we can create a brighter future for our most vulnerable children.
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