Precautionary Actions to Take When Considering a Divorce

Allison Gerli • February 5, 2021

Precautionary Actions to Take When Considering a Divorce 

The decision to get a divorce is often an extremely complicated one, combining a great deal of emotional and financial stress. Some people choose to consult with an attorney early in the decision-making process in order to better understand their options and legal rights under the law. Others may talk to friends who have gone through a divorce or do research on their own. There is no singular path to reaching the decision to get divorced. Likewise, there is no singular path to getting divorced when working with the right attorney. No matter which path you choose, it is important to protect yourself while you are making these life-altering decisions. 

The list below details precautionary actions that you may want to take when you are considering a divorce: 

1.      Credit Cards. 

  • Cancel all joint credit cards immediately.   
  • If you do not already have a credit card, consider applying for one now.



2.      Bank Accounts. 

  • Contact your financial institution where any joint accounts are held and ask about their procedures to eliminate the possibility of either spouse removing funds without a specific court order while the divorce case is pending. 
  • If you do not already have a bank account in your name only, consider opening one.


3.      Loans & Debts.  If you have loans in joint names or loans that you have guaranteed, contact your lender about the following:

  • Assurance that you will be notified of all late payments.
  • Learn the procedure (if any) for removing yourself from liability. For example, your spouse obtained a new loan written in his or her name alone.
  • Consider requesting a credit report and be sure to provide a copy to your attorney.


4.      Keep a Record. Make notes of conversations with your spouse that may be relevant to the divorce case, specifically everything related to custody. Make a record of the custody arrangement you and your spouse are following, noting when your spouse is contacting and spending time with the children. 


5.      Get Help.  

  • You may want to talk to your financial planner or tax expert to assist you in making decisions prior to and during your divorce case. If you do not have either, you may wish to find one now or ask your attorney if they have any referrals.
  • If you are in counseling or psychotherapy for yourself, it is most likely important to continue. If you are not in counseling, you may want to consider it now. Therapists can assist with the emotional roller coaster many people experience in your situation. Regular sessions can ease the stress and may indeed help you limit legal fees incurred during the divorce process. 


6.      Negotiations with Your Spouse.  Please discuss your plan for negotiating with your spouse with your attorney in advance. Always keep in mind the following:

  • “Settlement” agreements between the two of you are nonbinding—and, therefore, can be an exercise in futility.  Additionally, you may accidentally make an agreement before knowing your legal rights.
  • Settlement in divorce is a “package.” It is better not to agree to one thing out of the context of complete settlement. There are many ways to “divide the pie.” 
  • If possible, reach agreements on the payment of bills and use of credit cards while the case is pending. If you are still residing in the same house, discuss the logistics of continuing to reside together or a plan for one spouse moving.

 

7.      Safety.

  • Consider establishing a PO box or switching your mailing address to that of a close friend or relative, especially if you are still residing with your spouse.
  • Find a place to keep documents safe and away from your spouse.
  • Make sure to change any settings on your phone, computer, tablet, or websites that are programmed to share information with your spouse, such as shared calendars or apps that track and share your location.
  • Be mindful of any devices that have shared text messaging capabilities. For example, are your text messages simultaneously updated on your iPad or laptop?
  • Be cautious about the possibility that your spouse may have installed spyware on electronic devices or a GPS tracking device on your vehicle. Even without intentional effort on the part of your spouse, shared cell phone accounts may keep a record of your location that is accessible to your spouse. 


8.      Social Media.

  • Be aware of any information that you put on the internet that may be accessible and viewable to others.
  • Consider taking a hiatus from any form of social media while your case is pending, particularly the sharing of personal information regarding your situation or spouse. Posts on Facebook and Instagram can be used as evidence in your case. Even if you have your profile set to private, mutual friends or relatives that are still in touch with your spouse, may share the information that you post with your spouse.
  • If you have previously posted on social media and are concerned about the content, you should discuss your concerns and the best course of action on how to handle this situation with your attorney.


All of the attorneys at The Center for Family Law have experience representing individuals going through divorce or a legal separation, and would be happy to sit down with you to discuss your options and legal rights. Please contact us today to schedule a consultation. 


By Allison Gerli April 10, 2025
We are proud to share that Ann Bauer will be honored at the 27th Annual Women's Justice Awards on April 10, 2025, as one of this year's recipients in the "Mentor" category. This award celebrates experienced legal professionals who have played an important role in guiding and supporting the next generation of attorneys. Ann’s journey in family law began with co-founding her first firm in 2009, eventually leading to the establishment of The Center for Family Law in 2013. What began as a small practice has grown into a dynamic firm with a team of attorneys and staff dedicated exclusively to family law. Ann has been the heart of this growth—leading with purpose, mentoring with compassion, and consistently advocating for positive change. Ann's unwavering commitment to transforming how families navigate legal separation has helped shift the focus from adversarial litigation to a more compassionate approach to resolution, especially within the collaborative divorce process and in mediation. Her philosophy and approach to family law continue to influence and guide a new generation of legal professionals and practitioners she has mentored throughout her career. Whether she's mentoring within the firm or taking the time to speak with a law student, Ann is always generous with her time, wisdom, and support. She also shares her expertise through active service on numerous committees dedicated to family law and domestic violence. Please join us in congratulating Ann on this well-deserved honor. We are grateful for her vision and proud to continue building on the foundation she helped establish at The Center for Family Law.
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The Center for Family Law is excited to announce the start of its fourth year hosting the Second Saturday Divorce Workshops, providing valuable support and guidance to individuals navigating the divorce process.
By Allison Gerli December 20, 2024
The holiday season can be a balancing act for all parents, but it can be especially challenging for divorced parents who need to coordinate plans with a former spouse and navigate interactions with new partners. While some stress is to be expected, with careful planning, flexibility, and the right mindset, you can make the holidays smoother for everyone. Here are a few tips to help you manage. Prioritizing the Children. The holidays are a time for children, and their well-being should be the focus of the schedule. Whether it's your first holiday post-divorce or you have had a few years to adjust, there are simple steps you can take to make the season easier for them. Create a Joint Plan. Collaborate with your ex to ensure the children can spend time with both of you without feeling torn. A clear, shared plan helps avoid confusion and conflict. This might involve splitting the day between both households or longer periods of time with each parent to allow for out-of-town travel to visit relatives. It is important that parents are on the same page on what schedule will be followed and that is communicated to the children as a joint plan. Balance Traditions with Flexibility. It is natural to want to keep cherished family traditions, but flexibility is key. Discuss with your co-parent which traditions are most important and find a realistic way to divide them. This ensures that the kids do not feel pressured to choose between one tradition or family, allowing them to enjoy special moments with both sides. Create New Traditions. This is an opportunity to start fresh. Let go of old expectations and focus on what will bring joy to your current family setup. Whether changing when your holiday meal occurs or coming up with new ways to celebrate with those who matter now, these changes can redefine your holiday experience in a way that reflects your family as it is today. Remember, children care more about spending time with you and celebrating together than about the exact day. [The Right] Communication is Key. Keeping communication focused on the kids can help prevent old conflicts from resurfacing. Keep discussions brief and to the point. Set times to address important matters and confirm plans through a message or email to ensure everyone is aligned and to prevent miscommunication. Involving New Partners. Whether it is you or your ex with a new partner, you should be mindful of how this change can stir emotions and make the situation feel uncertain. If planning to include a new partner in holiday activities, having a conversation with your ex beforehand is best. Discuss your plans for the day and make sure your ex is comfortable with the arrangement. If you are nervous about being around your ex’s new partner, remember that you have the right to decide how much or how little to engage with this new person, all while keeping things positive and calm for the children. Children may also need time to adjust to a new partner, particularly if the relationship is still fresh. Monitor how they are coping and give them space to process these changes. Do not force interactions, and if possible, let the relationship evolve naturally. Spending Time with Former In-Laws. Another challenge during the holidays for separated parents is dealing with ex-in-laws. Seeing them may feel awkward, but it is often necessary for the children's sake. If spending time with your ex-in-laws feels too emotionally challenging, be honest with yourself and them. It is okay to politely decline an invitation if it being there would cause too much stress. Regardless of how you feel about your ex-in-laws, remember that ex-in laws are still important figures in your children’s lives, and it is often best for the kids if you maintain a relationship with them. Encourage your children to spend time with their grandparents or other relatives from your ex’s family when possible. Remember even when feeling frustrated, remind yourself that cooperation between parents benefits the children, making these moments more manageable.